When I first watched the Chosen, I was really touched by a scene from season 3 episode 2. Jesus was preparing to send the disciples out on mission to heal the sick and exorcise demons. In the TV series, Little James has impaired mobility and uses a walking stick to get around. I say in the TV show because large portions of each episode are imaginative reconstructions of conversations and events not recorded in Scripture. This artistic license serves a purpose: to bring the Gospel accounts to life and invite us to reflect more deeply on them. Still, I sometimes wonder whether people realize that the back stories and context added to the plots are not always a part of Scripture.
In this scene, little James approaches Jesus because he’s confused by the idea that a disabled person was being sent out into the world to heal people. Wouldn’t it make more sense for Jesus to heal him? He expresses the fact that he feels inferior to the other disciples who are physically whole. Jesus is so compassionate with him and his concerns, and during the discussion, Jesus leads him to understand the beauty of his story – his decision to follow and believe in Jesus without being healed. The scene comes to an end with Jesus telling him to remember that he will be healed in time. He wasn’t meant to spend eternity with the disability.
During my recent illness, I was meditating on this scene. A friend of mine had previously said something along the lines of God, who exists outside of time and space, has already done everything necessary for our salvation, which includes complete healing. However, we receive the fullness of this gift as we walk through time, and fully when we passover. In prayer, I started realizing that in some real way, I have already been healed, even while God continued to heal me. This idea helped me stay focused on what was important, that I allow the Holy Spirit to use my life circumstances to conform me to Christ. If this illness is a means by which God wishes to conform me, then blessed be the name of the Lord. It also helped me experience God’s faithfulness and mercy as I wrestled with both the typical question, why is this happening to me and struggled to make sense of things.
As I allowed this concept to infuse my understanding of the situation, I found myself vacillating between a few different thoughts. First, I had to struggle against apathy and resignation – “Well, God, if this is what you want, then ok.” I had to remember that God does not want me to suffer, but sometimes God uses suffering to remove things that prevent me from being conformed to Christ. I learned to try and maintain a sense of adventure, of asking,“What is God going to do with this? How will he use it to his glory, which is also to my own glory? I can’t wait to see!” That was hard, and I didn’t fully get there all the time, but it helped me stay positive and focused on the good God could bring from it.
Second, I also struggled to ask God to heal me at times because … wasn’t he using it to conform me to Christ and/or other good things. I had to remember the example Jesus set. He asked to be delivered from what was coming, but then added that the Father’s will be done. Luke 22:42. I had to remember that the good news is that while our prayer might not be answered the way I want when I want, but I can always trust that what he permits to happen will be used to move me on the path of sanctification.
Third, I also found its easy to wait on the Lord in a passive manner – the idea that one just sits back and waits on the Lord. While it’s true that the inner healing of body, mind, and soul is the Holy Spirit’s, the Sanctifier’s job, I still have a role to play, a role of learning to cooperate with grace so all of this can be accomplished in me. The Holy Spirit does the heavy lifting, but I am still called to participate in his work within me.
With this understanding, I found it easier to hope in the promises of Christ because Christian hope isn’t “I hope or wish that this happens.” It is a firm conviction that what God promises is true. When I focus on the truth that God has already done what needs to be done for my eternal healing, what need is there for worry? That’s not to say that I never struggle to live in such hope, but I see that as I learn to think about the good that can come from the bad when I surrender and trust in God, I can better wait on him and allow him to show me, often in hindsight, that he was there with me, he brought something good from it, and I become better able to hold on in hope.
Whether you agree with me that there is a mystical “healed while being healed,” I hope the knowledge that suffering is not forever and that it has meaning can be a consolation for you in your own suffering. I pray that all of our lives start to look more and more like Little James’ character in the Chosen, and that we are better able to go out into the world proclaiming the kingdom whether God removes our suffering now or in the hereafter. Let our stories be that of hope and living in the adventure of learning to become one with God who is love.
In Christ,
dw
