The text of Matthew’s great commissioning is a bit perplexing (Mt 28:16-20). Leading up to these verses, we heard about the women going to the tomb, encountering Jesus, and being sent to tell the disciples to go to Galilee. The disciples go and find Jesus, yet Matthew tells us, “when they saw him, they worshipped, but they doubted.”
Why did they doubt? Matthew offers no explanation. What we do know is that they just spent a few days traveling from Jerusalem to Galilee. Can you imagine the discussions they had on that journey? Jesus, alive? What did it mean? Were the women hallucinating? Dreaming? On Drugs? Maybe they all walked in silence, afraid to ponder what it meant.
Keep in mind that Jesus told them at least three times during his active ministry that he would die and rise again. Still, it must have been mind-boggling to climb that mountain and see standing there the one whom they had seen brutally put to death; to see the one whom they had laid in the tomb.
Even more baffling is when Jesus, despite knowing their doubts, tells them: Go. Make disciples. Teach. Baptize. He knows of their doubts, and he sends them anyway.
Jesus longs to send you on a similar mission. In fact, he created you with a unique mix of natural talents and charisms, and placed you in your current place and time. He longs to use your unique personality to draw others into the Kingdom of God. He wants you – the imperfect and the ill-equipped. He doesn’t care if you doubt. He doesn’t care if you have flaws. He wants you! Of course he wants to keep working on your doubts, fears, and imperfections. He wants to be your all, and he wants to use you to show others how to let him be their all. The question is – will you go? Will you teach? Will you lead others, to the best of your ability and with the help of the Holy Spirit? Will you answer his call?
Spend some time with the Holy Spirit talking to him about your doubts and fears. Talk to him about your weaknesses, and any excuse you might make to avoid being sent on mission. Ask him to show you his glory by using all of these weaknesses for the salvation of souls. When you see his glory, call into check any pride you might feel, and give Jesus the praise that is his due.