In Mark 1:21-27, Jesus cured a demoniac. In this story, the demon knew that Jesus was the holy one of God. The people, on the other hand, were confused. They saw the works that this seemingly ordinary man was doing, they pondered his actions in light of their experiences and expectations, and they were confused.
In praying on this, I realized that while I know Jesus is the son of Man, I likewise find myself confused about what all of this means. You see, my belief that he is the son of man, creates certain expectations in me, and God does not always work within these expectations. I suspect that I am not the only one.
God is beyond our comprehension. He does not always behave the way we expect. This can cause confusion. The only way to resolve this confusion is to hold onto faith, and to consistently pray for wisdom. Wisdom comes in the silence, in that place where we encounter the Holy Spirit dwelling within us. We cannot escape wisdom when we find the time and the openness to meet him there.
The problem is, when we enter into a relationship with God, the more fully we enter into a battle. This battle is between accepting his will, his way, and exercising our own will. We say in truth that we want to follow his will, but it is equally true that we want our own way. We are at war with our desire for holiness and our desire for worldly things.
To some extent, confusion exists because we cannot see the conflict between our two conflicting desires. We cannot serve two masters. Peace comes in allowing the Holy Spirit to clear the cloud of confusion, but it is in this moment of clarity, that we must choose against our selfish desires. Sometimes we kick up dirt to cloud the decision we are being asked to make, and in so doing, we prolong our suffering and confusion. It is only through experience that we learn to take the knowledge of the warring factions within, apply it to the circumstances at hand, and learn to say, “my Jesus, I accept your way, your will.”
Send some time with the Holy Spirit asking him to help clear the confusion you may have in your own life. Ask him to help reconcile your will to his. Ask him for forgiveness for the times you failed to do so. Reassert that your free will choice is his way, and ask him for the grace and wisdom to overcome the various things that cause you to choose your will over his. Spend a few moments in the silence of your heart acknowledging his presence, and basking in the warmth of his love and mercy.