The deeper I go in my relationship with God, the more sad I become. Don’t worry. It is a good kind of sad; a mourning of earthly things that I love, and which must now be surrendered. I am slow to surrender things, and I am blessed that he is teaching me self-patience and trust that he is taking me at the best pace for me and my brokenness. By brokenness, I mean the impact of sin in and around my life.
There have been many times over the last few years where I have had the occasion to say – God, this seems so hard, dying to self. Will I continue on the path? My answer always comes from Peter, “to whom shall [I] go? You have the words of everlasting life.” Jn 6:68. This statement from Peter comes at a time when his faith is really challenged. Many of Jesus’ followers left him.
In fact, in Mt 7:14, Jesus tells us that the way to Heaven is a narrow road, and few will follow. This statement is a hard one, and sometimes brings up fear of hell. However, I have come to differentiate between going to heaven or hell and living a Christian life. Jesus’ words seem pretty clear, but I find that the former focus leads one to make decisions out of fear of an eternity of horror. Thus, I choose to look at this narrow road as meaning there are few who will choose to live in the Kingdom more fully in this life for the narrow road is about dying to self, cross carrying, and service to others. There is no room for self love in this equation. Self love must die. We cannot die to self unless we substitute it with love of God. We must become less so that he can become more.
Spend some time today inviting the Holy Spirit into your prayer. Ask him to enlighten you as to how to better travel the narrow road. Ask him to fill you with love of God, and to help you surrender what he is calling you to surrender today. You may find that you take it back down the road, but just surrender it again and again until you fully relinquish your hold on it. God is merciful and loving. He asks these things of you so that you might live life more fully. It is counterintuitive, but God works outside of our frame of reference. Luckily, he knows what is best for us, and will guide us along the narrow road, but only if we let him.
Ms. Debra D. Weldon, OP