I have spent some time of late pondering God’s healing. Is it on his time or mine? I am not positive, but I have become more convinced that I stand in the way of my own healing. I find myself fighting grace, and holding on to destructive patterns of behavior.
For instance, in my retired from law status, I find myself watching too much TV. I know that I could fill my time with more prayer or reading or in pursuit of new hobbies. I could fill my time with better caring for my house and my yard. Is it bad to watch too much TV? Well, I’ll avoid the answer and go with – I keep praying for God to give me better habits, and I keep falling back into the old. God or me? In this instance – me. I feel the grace to do something more; to do better than I am doing with the habits I want to break. I am the one who avoids and goes back to the easy way. I go back to the easy way even though I long for more fulfilling hobbies and habits.
This morning, I found myself praying for the Holy Spirit to enter into these places, and to help me let go. I prayed for him to heal these places, and to help me avoid getting in his way. I figure I will be praying for this continually until I fully let go and let God. I imagine I will likely take it back, and have to start over until I learn to fully step into his light.
Thus, I find myself believing that God heals on my time. He will not override my free will, even when in my conscious mind I have surrendered to his will. He will work in my subconscious until I release each and every piece of the brokenness to him.
Spend sometime today with the Holy Spirit. Ask him where you are in need of releasing your full consciousness to his healing power. Ask him where you are holding onto comforts of the known over the unknown. Invite him into all of these places, and ask him to heal you. Repeat the process through time, for in time, you will find your prayers answered.